![]() As we conclude this self-love series, I hope this process was just as transformative for you all as it was for me. As much as I wanted to write about more than ten things to do to re-affirm self-love, something told me that this was enough for now. One thing I know about love is that it is unique; you can practice it a million ways and still find a billion more. I think that’s why I enjoyed developing this series so much. Self-love is boundless, and that is just so dope. The version of me that wrote part one is a different version that has written part two. I have a different energy. I spend my time differently; I even talk to myself differently. I have watered myself with my own love, and so many new buds have grown within me. So, to whoever is reading this, I hope you have transformed. Even if your transformation was not guided by any of my words, I hope you have found a way to water yourself with a little more of your love than usual. 6) Surround yourself with loving and supporting people I have been following a woman named Kenya Raymer on Instagram for years, and I very much like to think of her as my best friend (in my head). She has offered me so much perspective on living in my truth, loving my journey, and loving myself. Nevertheless, she always emphasizes one concept about life that has drastically shaped the way I live today. Build your tribe. Sometimes we don’t notice the impact of who we surround ourselves with; even more often, we don’t realize that the company we keep influences who we are and how we live our lives. I’ve learned that I am happiest when I surround myself with people who are loving + supportive + kind + and have my best interest at heart. You really can’t let any and every one in your space. People may have good intentions at heart, but they may not have good intentions for you. I like to think about it this way: if they aren’t bringing you closer to God, why are they in your life? When I surround myself with people who foster love, I find that I am a lot happier with myself. I experience less drama, negativity, and heartache (and yes, your friends can break your heart, too). It is often hard to decipher who is in your life for a good time or who is in your life for a long time, but all you have to do is ask God to reveal who is for you and who isn’t. Trust me, the people who aren’t making you a better person, God isn’t going to let those people stay for long. So, build your tribe. Determine who you want to do this thing called “life” with. Surround yourself with people who have your best interest at heart, and get rid of the ones who don’t. This is self-love. 7) Develop new habits One of my good friends (and also one of the people in my tribe) recently offered me a new perspective about life. I was telling him how I felt stuck. I didn’t feel like I was developing or growing how I felt that I should, and it was starting to make me feel defeated. Defeat is a sneaky lil’ devil. It can quickly eat at the love that you have for yourself, and put you in a space. Yes, that space. When I went to my friend for advice, he simply said this: Develop new habits. I really hope that statement offers you the same epiphany that it gave me. We often get caught up doing the same things over and over and over, and we end up achieving little to no results. We must realize that, in order to grow, you have to do things differently. It is okay if the things you once did aren’t working anymore. Try something else. Get out of the rhythm of living in a rhythm. Breaking old, faulty habits is a form of self-love. If you have recently experienced loss + defeat + any sort of hurdle, pick yourself up and try something else. There are a million and one routes to happiness + growth + self-love. I can’t tell you what will work for you, as I can barely tell you what will work for me. But that’s the beauty of doing this thing called “life”. You have the power to determine how you live it. 8) Forgive yourself We all have made mistakes. Some larger than others. Some that have shaken our world and have pushed us one or two steps back. I have made some mistakes that felt as if they changed the course of my life, and I find myself constantly thinking about what I should’ve done. Living in the past can be irrevocably nauseating, and it is one of the hardest things to stop doing. It is easier to swim in pity than to pick yourself up and rebuild your happiness. What I’ve discovered is that living in the past reveals a lifestyle that fosters a lack of forgiveness…for yourself. All of the should’ve, could’ve, would’ves that fill our minds can grow into a chain of self-blame that prevent you from experiencing release. Forgiving yourself is easier said than done. But it is easier to accomplish once you realize one thing: God sacrificed His one and only son in order for you to let go of your past mistakes and transgressions. Once you accept that God, the most perfect entity that exists, can forgive you…it will be easier to forgive yourself. It’ll be easier to forgive yourself, forgive other people, and forgive your past. You will stop thinking about what you should’ve, could’ve, or would’ve done and you’ll start thinking about what you will do to grow. Often, it can seem like a debilitating process to forgive yourself, especially when you get reminded of your mistakes, but none of that will matter if the love of God remains in your heart. Starting today, release the lack of forgiveness from your life. Stop punishing yourself, stop punishing others, and stop punishing your FUTURE. Find solace in the love of God and release it. 9) Speak up for yourself Hey introverts! This is for us! I used to be so withdrawn to the point where I wouldn’t stand up for myself when I felt that I was being mistreated. I engaged only a few, stood up for myself to only a few, and enjoyed the presence of only a few. However, I believe that there is a healthy introvert and an unhealthy introvert. I was an unhealthy introvert for a period of time. I spent too much time alone, and not enough time interacting with people and establishing what I do and don’t like to do. I forgot that adequate, proper human interaction helps with how much you love yourself. Eventually, I realized that I must interact with the world in a healthier way. Today, I urge you all to learn how to say no, tell people what you like and don’t like, and cancel out whatever you feel like is getting in the way of your happiness. This doesn’t make you a bad person, it makes you a smart person. It is still okay to be an introvert. BUT BUT BUT, you can be an introvert without letting the world step all over you. Whether you are an introvert or an extrovert, you must always speak up for yourself—and speak with your chest when you do it. Sometimes you can be too nice and forget that it is okay to say no. Hold yourself up with high regard, and don’t let the world treat you any kind of way. 10) Live in the now I’m sure I’m not the only one who thinks the days are getting away from me. Some days it feels like I’m running out of time… and, to some extent, we are. The next day, minute, or even the next second is not promised to us. We spend so much of our precious time laboring, stressing, worrying, and hating rather than treating each moment like it is our last. If you were to leave the Earth today, would you be satisfied with how you spent your last moments? Would you be content with the memories that you left behind? A big part of self-love is making the best of the time that you have. There have been days when I have been so consumed with stress to the point that I feel like I was just trying to make it to the end of the day. The reason why we struggle to make it through each day and why we feel like we are losing time is because we worry more about the past and worry less about the time we have left. It is easier said than done, but life is too short to be stressed or sad or mad. These emotions seem valid at the time, but when you start acknowledging that your life is a gift from God, none of those worldly feelings will claim your time anymore. Do something you love to do every day. Make time for laughter and make time for love. Stop living in the past, stop living in the future, and stop living in your feelings. Start living in the now, right now.
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Olivia McPhaulWriter. Christ enthusiast. Zealot of love. Offering my truth and sharing my imperfect journey in womanhood. Archives
May 2019
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