One of the most important books that I have ever picked up is The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. In this book, Ruiz explains the knowledge of the Toltec and provides four principles to practice in order to establish love and happiness in your life. The teaching of the Toltec is not a religion, but while reading this book I understood it as a unified teaching across all spiritual platforms. I wholeheartedly recommend this book for everyone to read, and today I want to share with you all one of the four agreements that has drastically transformed my life. Although all the agreements are equally necessary and important, this one is a great place to start, particularly if you are looking for almost immediate results in reestablishing happiness (and when I say immediate, I really mean it). An agreement that every individual should decide to make in their life today is…. Don’t make assumptions. Sounds pretty simple, right? Well, it actually isn’t. At all. The first problem with making assumptions is that, majority of the time, we don’t realize that we are doing it. We are wired so tightly to understand the world in whatever way we personally want to understand it. We hear what we want, see what we want, and believe what we want. However, our problem is that we believe that our assumptions are the truth. We don’t take the time to ask questions or gain clarity because, honestly, we don’t want to. It is a lot easier to believe your adapted form of the truth rather than to consider that there are other truths out there. So, instead of asking for clarity, we see a situation only through our eyes, we make an assumption, and we act on it. What happens after that? We take it personally. This is when things become scary and communication turns into arguments, anger, anxiety, and sadness. Every disagreement, failed relationship/friendship, and drama in your life has been caused by the act of making assumptions and taking it personally. If you are reading this, I am begging you to ingest this reality so that it can save you a lot of sadness and misfortune in the future. I, personally, had to sit down and examine how I think to realize that I was making assumptions 98% of the time. What stood out most for me in Ruiz’s novel was when he said: “Often we make the assumption that our partners know what we think and that we don’t have to say what we want.” (Excerpt From: Don Miguel Ruiz & Janet Mills. “The Four Agreements.” iBooks.) When I read this, I was like “YASSSS, READ ME SIR.” Often times in my relationships, I take my significant other’s actions personally and say, “They should have known.” Yes, I previously required full mind-reading capabilities and an impeccable emotional radar. Once I realized how toxic these assumptions were, I found myself asking questions like “How are you feeling?” or “What caused that to happen?” or even “Can I tell you how I am feeling?”. As soon as I started asking these questions, I almost immediately let go of what I believed was right and started considering what else could be correct. Once you step out of the mindset that things aren’t always how you see them, the energy that you are releasing does a 180 turn. You are happier, and the people in your space are happier, as well. So, please, STOP MAKING ASSUMPTIONS AND STOP TAKING THINGS PERSONALLY. The first step that you must make is realizing the problem and becoming aware of your toxic habits. You cannot assume that just because a person loves you that they should know what you require mentally, physically, and emotionally. If you continue to believe what you want, you will continue to assume you’re right, to the point where defending your opinion destroys all important friendships and relationships. Stop making assumptions and taking things personally and, I promise, your way of communicating will change completely. Your life will be transformed.
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Olivia McPhaulWriter. Christ enthusiast. Zealot of love. Offering my truth and sharing my imperfect journey in womanhood. Archives
May 2019
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