What is something, just as necessary as love, that a person should look for? Themselves. This topic that I will be diving into is one that I feel is difficult yet important, cringe-worthy yet life-altering, and sobering yet inebriating. This blog post is about entering, navigating, and existing in a period of singleness. I know my single readers were looking at the Is this Love? series like: This particular post is for you. More specifically, it is for us because a period of singleness is something that has been invited, avoided, and felt by me, you, and everyone else seeking to love and be loved while they live on this planet. Hi, my name is Olivia, and I was addicted to the idea of being in love + being in a relationship for years. For seven years, I was in and out of romantic relationships. Retrospectively speaking, I saw absolutely nothing wrong with perpetually dating and I didn’t think that I was restricting or debilitating myself in any way. It wasn’t until last year that I truly decided that I didn’t just want a break from romantic relationships, but I needed a break from dating + anything else that is associated with my idea of romantic relationships. During my period of singleness, I experienced a dramatic shift. It’s rather hard to describe exactly what it feels like. Imagine filling up a balloon with water, rolling it across a hot, even road and suddenly watching it inaudibly burst into a pool of liberation and transformation. My mind, body, and spirit have realigned in unsurmountable ways during this season in my life. My period of singleness has been absolutely instrumental to my journey to discovering my truth and I feel as though it is my duty to show you all a door to growth, freedom, and reaching your highest potential. In this post, I will be redefining what it means to be single, how to navigate this season and the benefits that come from experiencing a period of singleness. Whether you have been single for years or just a few days, I hope I can give you all a new perspective on this unrivaled territory. Redefining What it Means to be Single I named this blog post “Single-ish” because of the definition of “single” has been warped and distorted in mad ways. Nowadays, being single means not having a significant other but “talking” to someone. Not being tied down but having a “cuddle buddy” or thinking about the next person you are going to text and say “You up?”. Yikes. A gentle reminder that I am, in no way, trying to be critical because this was literally me 0.5 seconds ago. So, before we get into this I want to define what it means to be in a period of singleness. First of all, I want to make it clear that there is a major difference between being single and being in a period of singleness. You can be single and not be in a period of singleness. A period of singleness can look something like the following:
It will not be something that happens overnight. I sometimes think about how my period of singleness has been panning out like the Stages of Grief.
These stages will naturally look different from one person to the next, but I have bantered with a few friends (also in seasons of singleness) about how incredibly accurate these stages seem to be for all of us. I have repeated some of these stages more than I should’ve, but I eventually realized that there is no set rhythm or rhyme to a period of singleness. Your experience may not be like mine and you might find yourself wanting to redefine it to fit where you are in life. That is okay. Make it work FOR YOU. I decided that in order to be my greatest self, I needed to be single for some time. This is my truth and maybe yours, too, but our journeys do not have to look the same. The most important thing is that you understand what you might experience is different from society’s definition of “being single”. I am encouraging you all to break away from today’s sense of urgency, desire for instant gratification and disposable tendencies. Being “single”, dating, and living without boundaries can be fun, I am fully aware. But have you ever considered how fleeting + undernourishing this experience can be? Have you considered how that one person that’s keeping you company may be blocking your biggest blessing? This type of single requires great purposiveness, deep self-reflection, and purpose-driven maturity. How to Navigate a Period of Singleness When I first entered my period of singleness, I felt like a fish out of water. It was hard to find comfort and, more noticeably, that intimacy that comes with being in a relationship. At the time, I didn’t really have any friends who could really relate and give me advice. After a while, that cold pillow and my dry phone had me rethinking everything. But as time went on, I begin to feel more and more… leveled. I asked God for wisdom, and each day I learned sometime new about this period of singleness and how to make it work for my life. After about a month, I finally began to reap the benefits and barely struggled to exist in my own tempered bubble. Here are some of the things I learned to do in order to navigate my period of singleness.
The Benefits of a Period of Singleness The biggest question I receive about my period of singleness is “what has it done for you?”. This is such a loaded and multilayered question because this season in my life has been metamorphic. I have strengthened my signal with God. I have been afforded countless opportunities based on my changed prerogative. Here are some, but not all, of the benefits of being in a period of singleness.
What happens next? The amount of time you stay in your period of singleness is up to you and what you require. You know better than any person what you need, and this experience will develop you into a wise, mature person that will know when the season is changing. I have reached a point in my period of singleness where I do not necessarily have a desire to be in a relationship, but I have opened up my mind to meeting new people and dating again. Regardless if I get in a relationship or not, I will never lose the love that I have gained for myself during this time. The most significant thing that I have learned about a period of singleness is that when you think about the future and can visualize yourself irrevocably existing in a space of joy, purpose, and love--without the addition of a partner or someone else creating that space-- that is when you have mastered the art of loving yourself. I pray that you all find peace wherever you are in living, thriving, and loving. Remember to seek love first and always look within yourself for the truth. Truthfully, Liv
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Olivia McPhaulWriter. Christ enthusiast. Zealot of love. Offering my truth and sharing my imperfect journey in womanhood. Archives
May 2019
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