Warning: this article will begin with a very cliche, yet relevant, statement about college-ing. College is what you make it...Crickets? Okay, cool. Moving on. It can be a boundless, knowledge-seeking path where you ingest a plethora of information or an exhilarating adventure where you really don't remember much of anything. My freshman year was a journey that offered me perspective, love, discernment, and one or two or twelve unforgettable nights. Every decision I made wasn't the best and I didn't learn every possible thing/lesson that I wanted to learn... But that is what made my first year at UNC-Chapel Hill my own. No one else can ever experience life in the same way as you, and that's what so beautiful about living. However, there is comfort in sharing and listening to other's and their experiences, and it sometimes makes life and growing up a little less intimidating. I recently talked to some older companions of mine and found myself saying "You had a nervous breakdown in the library, too?!" or "I wish somebody would've told me that before I spent $30 on Uber". News flash!! Our lives lived may be different but our lessons learned can be the same. So, that is what brings me to this post and all of the things I will continue to share with you on this journey in my life. This post is not only a contemplation of my worthy thoughts, but also thoughts of wisdom from friends, aunts, brothers & sisters, mamas and daddies. Remember this is not just your journey, this is our journey. So, comecemos! (Unpremeditated advice: if you ever considered taking Portuguese at UNC, do it). 1) Put God on speed-dial THIS. This is the first and most eye-opening lesson I learned my first year of college. My mother raised me, from the time I could understand, to be God-fearing and to take the time to know God for myself. I felt that I had a very secure foundation when I moved away. I talked to God every day. I went to bible study. God was the homie. But listen to me when I tell you this: life without your mama reminding you to read your bible and pray every day is a whole lot harder than you think. Life, without boundaries + rules + structure, happens and you could feel overwhelmed. Now, none of this is meant to scare you because it’s only unbearable if you let it be. There is beauty in the struggle, and God placed you in this unfamiliar territory so that it would bring you closer to Him. He knows you pain better than anyone else and He’s going to be the ONLY one there when you are alone. Take the time to rediscover & reestablish your relationship with Him. Find a bible study group. Start a reading plan on your Bible app. Get in the routine of calling on Him during your low-tides and your high-tides. 2) Choose your friends -- Don't let them chose you Now that you aren’t in high school, for the first time in your life you actually get to choose who you want to have as your friend. Before, you essentially hung out with whoever was in your 3rd period or whoever you ate lunch with every single day. There wasn’t much room for you to find out what type of company makes you the happiest or, frankly, who you even really like as a person. You may be blessed and find two or three lifelong friends from high school, but college is really where the magic happens. There are so many people, so many personalities, and so many opportunities to form friendships that you never experienced before. So, allow yourself to fall in friendship! However, do not forget that you are now in control of the company that you keep. You aren’t “fake” (using that word lightly because I dislike it) for deciding a person isn’t the right friend for you, believe it or not. You actually don’t have to be friends with them, and they can become someone else’s ace-boon-coon. Discover who is best for you, and surround yourself with people that you can grow with. This goes for romantic relationships, as well. So choose wisely. 3) It's okay to rediscover yourself I never thought, in a million years, that I would be that person who knew what they wanted to be their entire life, but then get to college and see every dream fly right out the window. When I first realized that studying medicine may or may not be for me, I experienced a sorrow that I had never felt before. I had never been so lost or unsure about myself. First semester was the first time in my life that I ever felt truly vulnerable…. But then second semester, I took a creative writing class. I knew that I loved to write, but this class allowed me to dig up a part of myself that was lost for so long. I found myself writing for fun again and reading with a newfound gusto. It was like a flower had bloomed inside of me, and it was the first step of me rediscovering myself. It wasn’t until I allowed myself to be vulnerable that I learned what truly made me tick. I still have no idea what I want to do with my life, but I welcomed this time of growth and I decided not to worry about it. So, be vulnerable. Ask yourself hard questions. Pay attention to what makes you tick. Become your own best friend, and maybe the “tell me about yourself” question may become a little less intimidating. 4) Call your mom... and your dad, too! Oh, I love my parents... but you all know what I mean when I say it was time ta' go. When my mom first told me that I needed to call her every day, I thought “El oh el, that ain’t gonna happen”. But, I still gave it a shot and let me tell you…those phone calls were like medicine. Especially when I was actually sick and didn’t have her bringing me orange juice and saltine crackers. Even if it was just a simple text (sending each other bitmojis became our little thing) it was comforting to know that she was still there when I needed her. My dad didn’t require me to do the same for him, but I really wish he had. A lot of his advice and encouragement is what got me through high school. So, call your dad, too :)
As much as you desperately yearn this freedom from your parents, you still are going to need them. They still need you, too. Your transition to college was probably a lot harder on them than it was for you, so don’t completely go ghost on them. You’ll thank me later. 5) Don't compare your journey to anyone else's When you get to college, it is very possible that everybody seems like they got their lives all together. One of your friends is the president and founder of xyz, and another friend is getting all A’s and has internship offers from 123. However, trust me when I tell you this: It wasn’t always peaches and cream for these individuals. Nine times out of 10, there are on/were on the struggle bus of stress and disorder just like you. It is important to understand that you are you and no one else. It is unrealistic and self-sabotaging to assume the same path as someone else. You may have the same goals and destinations as some of these people, but your journey there will be drastically different. You may get a B or C in a course, and may not be the president of every club. But, guess what? YOU ARE GOING TO BE SUCCESSFUL. No matter how hard or easy the journey is, you are going to get where you need to be. So, my friend, please buckle your seatbelt and enjoy the ride. You'll be learning lessons like these for the rest of your life.
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